Last week, an elderly woman, Vho Masindi, stepped into my office. Her face carried urgency and sorrow — the kind that makes you pause before speaking. She had heard troubling whispers from her daughter, whispers that had grown into a desperate cry for help.
The story behind the gossip
Her daughter’s friend — let’s call her Alina — is in the midst of divorce proceedings. Alina is married to a wealthy man, Richman. When she entered the marriage, she already had two children from a previous relationship. That relationship never became a marriage, but her children became part of Richman’s household.
Three months ago, Richman discovered Alina’s infidelity. The betrayal shook him deeply, and he sought a divorce. Yet, according to Vho Masindi’s daughter, Alina’s secret was even more painful: she had never stopped loving the father of her two children. Even after marrying Richman, her heart remained tethered to her past.
The hidden pain
Richman cannot father children of his own. Two years into the marriage, no pregnancy had come. Alina felt rejected by her in-laws, despite enjoying the comforts Richman provided.
Frustrated, she devised a plan: to discreetly ask her former partner — the father of her children — for another baby, intending to pass the child off as Richman’s.
Suspicion grew. Acting on a tip-off, Richman convened a family meeting and produced phone records as evidence. Cornered, Alina confessed:
“Yes, I am cheating with my ex-boyfriend because I want him to give me another baby. This baby will be accredited to you as the father. I am trying to help you remove the stigma of infertility.”
The meeting ended in chaos, with Richman storming out, visibly enraged.
Vho Masindi pleaded with VKRA: “How can you help that innocent man?” Her daughter said Alina, after consulting a lawyer, now denies everything. She claims the phone records were fake. Richman seems to be accepting this new version.
The troubling part? Alina confides the truth privately to Vho Masindi’s daughter while denying it publicly. Her lawyer has assured her that, even if the divorce proceeds, Richman will be compelled to pay maintenance for her two children and herself. In other words, Alina is using the legal system to secure financial gain, ensuring that even after divorce she benefits at his expense.
VKRA’s legal reflection
Two years ago, a man was ordered to pay R40,000 to his divorced wife and stepchildren for medical aid and medical expenses, R35,000 a month toward rent, and R1,000,000 in legal costs.
The Western Cape High Court took the view that the man's conduct amounted to assuming a parental role, and that it would not be in the best interests of his stepchildren, aged 14 and 16, to permit the withdrawal of financial support, as they had become accustomed to the comforts he provided. The court further held that the children's constitutional right to parental care extended to stepparents who acted in the stead of a biological parent.
The case went on appeal but was dismissed because this was a temporary ruling, effective only while the divorce proceedings were being finalised. A legal expert later explained that this was not a ruling that a stepparent would be permanently liable for maintenance, but rather an interim order to maintain the status quo until the divorce was finalised.
Be that as it may, it still presents a conundrum for men who marry a woman with children.
Questions for lawmakers
VKRA asks:
Does the law ever consider that men are human beings, not merely ATMs?
Do such rulings not breed resentment and cruelty, ultimately harming women and children too?
* Would a judge make the same ruling if the man in question were his own son?
*Why not place the burden of child welfare on the biological father?
VKRA believes men’s abuse is alarmingly high — and the silence around it must end.